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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
There Will Come Soft Rains
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There Will Come Soft Rains I started reading a book by a friend of a friend of a friend which is kind of cool because I’ve never read a book written by a real person before . BUT I am somewhat apprehensive about it because it’s a female protagonist in a book written by a dude . That rarely goes well in my experience . At best the woman protagonist is basically just a dude with a lady name . At worst , well you know . There’s that famous line from As Good As It Gets when the lady asks Jack Nicholson how he writes women so well and he’s heard to remark ‘I think of a man . And I take away reason and accountability .” Ouch . One time there was this TV show called Roseanne . It starred a lady called Roseanne who was played by a woman named Roseanne . Like many popular shows it was good for a while and then got really bad and then came back later and turned into a trainwreck . BUT one time before everyone found out she was insane in the membrane Roseanne the real lady , not Roseanne the character , said that Hollywood types need to stop sucking their own dicks over creating “strong female characters” because that doesn’t mean jack shit to a lady in a trailer park in Kansas City getting knocked around by her common law husband . So realize as I launch into this that Roseanne has already WOKE me , I know this is all pointless . One time there was this movie called Transformers the movie – not the animated one , the other one . It was OK , in a Michael Bay sort of way , but it clearly was made for a very specific audience : white nerdy men who wish they could bone models after watching them sexily fight robots so sweat cascades down their luscious tanned bodies . Fair enough. If you must , Michael Bay, if you must . Seems only fair if you you objectified some hot men every once in a while , but I understand that you think that would make you gay , and you don’t want that , Michael Bay . I understand . You’re all WELL aware of how I feel about Megan Fox’s “performance” in this “movie” but then I saw that she said this - “Both of the female characters in the movie were very strong characters. Rachel ’s character is very intelligent. I thought that they were representing women very well.” I can live with movies that objectify women , but then to call those women “strong female characters” ? For shame Megan Fox, for shame . Once upon a time in , female characters were the designated damsels in distress . They were tied to railroad tracks , trapped in burning buildings , falling to their deaths , waiting for Superman to save them . While the hero fought the Bad Guy , they’d sit in the back nervously chewing their nails instead of running away to get help or throwing a punch of their own . Sometimes just for laughs they’d seem smart , strong , and assured until the villain grasped them by their arm , leaving them powerless . Sometimes there was swooning. Along would come the Captain Tightpants , strong , rugged , with a square jaw , pointy nipples and stony buttocks , to save the day . As in the heroic tales of old , their prize for defeating the villain would be the chance to bang the damsel and live happily ever after . Or more often ride off to the next damsel in the next town . All in all , the DID was kind of a terrible character , but at least she did end up with the hot hero at the end . Sure , he might have anger issues or just be a jackass ; then again , he was also probably a prince or a cowboy or a hot cop or a superhero – or if the hero was a regular “everyman” he’d still be a Clark Gable or Cary Grant or Humphrey Bogart – so it wasn’t all bad . Somewhere along the way feminism happened . It took a while, but some writers in Hollywood got the idea . No more would female characters be DIDs . No , there should be SFCs in cinema– emphasis on STRONG . While these women would still be young and hot , they’d also have one characteristic that made them more masculine . It could be physical strength or a superpower (Wonder Woman) , the ability to shoot a gun properly (Trinity from the Matrix) leadership skills (Princess Leia) , or being able to out-drink a guy (Marion from Raiders of the Lost Ark) . Writers patted themselves on the back , saying , “You wanted SFCs ? Well , now they’re strong” . Suck on that . While these characters were marginally better than the original DIDs , they still ended up having to be saved in the final act by the male hero . There would usually be a scene or three where the SFC would be trapped by the villain and put into sexy clothing , as a punishment of some sort . And even when she was being strong , she was always doing it in the sexiest way possible . She’d never , say , get a black eye or a broken nose in a fight . Her ability to fix cars (a powerful, masculine trait) would allow her to get sexy grease all over her slippery body . Her ability to shoot a gun was so the film’s advertisers could put her on a poster wearing a skimpy outfit with a big gun between her legs . The “strength” of her character was to make her a better prize for the hero at the end – and for the horny male audience throughout . But here’s the real dick-kick because of this the heroes got worse SFC would sometimes be rescued by the Hot Hero . More often though they’ll be saved by the Schlubby Everydude . Somewhere along the line directors decided that film heroes should be more like audience stand-ins : dull , scrawny , nerdy . So you wouldn’t have Hot “Strong” Marion sleeping with Hot Strong Indiana Jones at the end anymore . You’d have Hot “Strong” Megan Fox sleeping with Weaselly Weak Shia La Beouf at the end . If this female character is so strong and so hot and so great in every way , why in the world would she end up with that loser ? Because he’s the audience stand-in . Some movies go even further . They pile up one awesome trait after another on top of this sexy female character, thinking it will make them “stronger”. Consider the aforementioned Rachel Taylor’s character in Transformers , who , Megan Fox claims , is an intelligent , SFC . She’s a 23-year-old , model-thin super-attractive super-genius hacker who is so very smart that everyone in the Pentagon spends the whole movie looking at her dumbly because she’s just so much better than them at everything . This is the female character who is “a supermodel who also happens to be a top scientist with a knack for marksmanship” . This Super SFC is almost like a Mary Sue , except instead of being perfect in every way because she’s a stand-in for the author , she’s perfect in every way so the male audience will want to bang her and so the female audience won’t be able to say “tut-tut , what a weak female character ! ” Everybody wins ! Perhaps the problem here is that women were clamoring for “strong female characters” and male writers misunderstood – you know how those wacky males are with their misunderstanding . They thought the people meant [Strong Female] Characters instead of [Strong Characters] , Female . Good characters have goals and they have flaws . Any character without flaws will be a cardboard cutout . Perhaps a sexy cardboard cutout nonetheless but two-dimensional for being so . Always goes for douchebags instead of the Nice Guy is not a real flaw . Men think women have that flaw , but most women avoid “Nice Guys” because they aren’t that nice . So that doesn’t count . So what flaws can female characters have ? How about the same flaws a male character would have ? This is especially important in comedies , because many male writers are so clueless about writing funny women that female characters in sitcoms , sitcomish-movies , and sitcomish-sitcoms tend to be the Smart Gorgeous Snarky Voice of Reason in an unreasonable world . Let’s see more female characters •who fall down hilariously (Lucille Ball) •who are arrogant (Zhang Yiyi in Crouching Tiger , Hidden Dragon) •who are realistic or exuberant villains (Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton) •who are neurotic (Elliott from Scrubs) •who are just mean (Elaine from Seinfeld) •who are vengeful (Beatrice Kiddo from Kill Bill) •who are forgetful (Dory from Finding Nemo) •who say the wrong things (again Elliott from Scrubs) •who are emotionally repressed (Marge from The Simpsons) •who are nerdy and awkward (Belle from Beauty and the Beast) •who are just messed up (like everyone IRL ) •who are insufferable know-it-alls (Hermione) •who are depressed (I can’t think of one , which is interesting , since women are more likely to be depressed in real life . Who’s the female equivalent of Hamlet ? Is there one ? ) They don’t have to be physically strong , although they can be — The Bride , the women from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon , Ripley and Sarah Connor are strong SFCs . They have their own goals that move beyond “I want to do whatever the male hero wants to do” or “I want to marry the male hero” . “I want to have a baby” is only moderately better – moderately . Let’s try to be a little more creative . By the way , it’s OKAY if these women are hot . The characters I just mentioned are all quite attractive . But they also DO get beat up and they DO look like they could kick your ass . Except for Zhang Yiyi , who’s like thirty pounds – but she at least looks graceful enough that she could fly and kick your ass with a sword and she looks angry and crazy enough that she’d do it . They all have their own goals , flaws , and back stories . I don’t want you thinking I have something against attractive women , not because I don’t , because I do , but for different reasons . Once your female characters have some depth to them , it doesn’t really matter if the male hero saves them or not . For instance he Batman (NO not again 40 ! ) saves Rachel Dawes a couple of times , but I never saw her DID , because she was her own person with her own moral code and own heroic goals to clean up Gotham with her lawyer powers . There was nothing in her background that led me to believe she’d be able to fight supervillains , so when Batman has to save her just like he saves everyone else , it’s fine . If instead , say , she had beaten up the Joker with her super kung fu skills she learned in self-defense class and her super-powered mace she developed in her own chem lab after she got her PhD from Harvard , and her makeup and hair still looked good afterward , then she’d be LESS of a SFC . She’d just be some image of what the nerdy male audience wants in a damsel . Point is I am woke as fuck so it’s okay to suck my dick . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Remember that time I replied to a lady's blog and her reply to my reply was the "loser" emoji and I almost cried ? I do . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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10/15/2018 5:40 pm |
cool
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Since you're so WOKE .... what the heck are you still doing in Iowa?! Get your butt to Hollywood, get somebody to make a movie with a SFC and then, I'll suck your dick. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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